Life is starting to look up again. Sometimes it takes a timely reminder of how awful certain periods of my life actually were to see how far I’ve come, and to help me focus on what’s important in my present and future. I’m over my wobble from my last post, and also over the temptation to delete it. I’ve moved on. Sometimes you just need to get something out of your system. I’ll trust that my life is going in the right direction, and I can sleep soundly with the knowledge that I’m alright now, that I’m still alive and moving forward. I just need to remember The Desiderata by Max Ehrmann:
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
As far as my writing is concerned, I’ll send off the story I was preparing for the Words and Women Prose competition 2017 and the slightly longer version of the same story for the Fish Publishing Short Memoir Competition 2017, and then I want to put the lid on that particular story for some time. If I can get one of them published somewhere, then I’ll know I had my voice heard and I’ll never need to face those demons again.
Lately I’ve been ignoring my full-length memoir, and I’m wondering whether I need to do something similar with that, i.e. enter shorter pieces into competitions. I know this isn’t going to be as simple as just saying I’m going to do it, because there are many other very good writers who are much better and practiced at this sort of thing than I am. I also realise I may be slightly doing myself a disservice if I do this, because once pieces are published then it’s tricky to do anything else with them (most competitions don’t like extracts), but I know how hard it is to get memoirs published these days, and I’m at the point of feeling like I need to do something productive, whatever that may be. I’ll keep subbing for now, but realistically I know I need to gain some more writing credentials before any agents will be interested in my work. Sometimes I think I need to go back to the drawing board and think hard of a unique angle to focus on, but in the meantime I probably need to get back to the novel I’ve been working on, while the non-fiction goes on quietly in the background.
Here’s where I am today: It’s half-term, and I’m tired from going out last night for the first time in a long time. Today I want to focus on my family, and Christmas coming up, and doing some reading before my Masters starts. My 2 year old is teething and grumpy, and my 5 year old is playing with Lego. And I’m here, with a jug of coffee just trying to keep everything ticking along. And the writing will happen – it always does, but maybe it doesn’t need to happen today. Today I am stepping back.